The Good, The Bad and the Me

It’s been quite some time since I’ve written and I really have no excuse for most of it; some of it was spent in the ER but we’ll get back to that later.

Where do I begin? Besides posting about specific occurrences and events, the end of April was my last post and for that length of time, I apologize. I’ll be writing this out non-chronologically and scatter brained, because that’s how my brain works after everything you’ll hear about coming up. In-fact, if you seem to get confused as to why something happened a month after an event, then rewind back two weeks. Most days are “normal” days for me, well up until lately where I’ve had the energy to run errands and do housework, with many breaks though; most days I can barely muster up the energy to get out of bed, get downstairs, eat breakfast (which is normally already prepared by my wholly altruistic wife), and watch TV while babysitting my 18 month son. As I mentioned earlier, and probably due to the motivation stemming from all my wife’s hard work and pure drudgery both at work and especially at home dealing with a toddler and a grown adult that might as well be a toddler on most days. Nevertheless, my recent energy boost has helped a lot around this house we call home.

To give a few examples of what good things have come lately, I’ll list them now. I built a screen door from scratch(not one of those kits), completed four years of backed up filing, finally received unemployment(after the ping-pong simulated battle with Doctors and the Government), went on a 5 day trip to Colorado to watch my brother race karts, installed my first ceiling fan(including crawling through the attic a few times), cleaned the house head to toe(including dusting, washing pillows and curtains, scrubbing walls, polishing furniture, reorganizing under 5 sinks, reorganizing every drawer and cabinet, windows, vacuuming, and hanging a lot of things on the walls; it was a TON of work!!), cleaned the garage(a few times), began building an Adirondack chair, helped put front steps on the front hill(mostly did a lot of supervising), planted bougainvillea, roses and jasmine, installed sprinklers, fountain and lights in front of our house, scrubbed/sprayed/swept/vacuumed/raked/stared at the back yard, lots of pinching and pruning of the backyard bougainvillea, probably a metric ton of laundry, helped clean out a friends garage(for a birthday present), held a
bowling benefit with many, many auctions along with it, visited University Medical Center Arizona(UMCAZ), drove myself to a kart race in Tucson(the drive alone was murderous), had a consultation at Scripps Green Hospital in La Jolla(San Diego), received official approval for transplant at UMCAZ, found a new church that we both really like; most of this stuff, luckily, we already owned prior to my sickness, or id be a very bored boy. ßYou see that punctuation? That’s a period, but it’s probably the most tentative period I’ve ever written; I almost certainly forgot a lot of instances and will positively remember them after I post the blog.

Now onto some of the bad stuff; although the list can probably match that of the list of good/improvements, I’ll try to tone it down a bit because just being alive and able to wake up in the morning next to my amazingly exquisite wife and the rambunctious, always smiling, son; let’s not forget the reason I’m here to begin with, our Holiness, King of Kings, the Great Almighty, all powerful, Yahweh, The Creator of all creators, GOD. Half of you, maybe more, are 

rolling your eyes and getting ready to click out right about now; go ahead, you’ll be missing out. I have the most awesome and incredible friends and family support system that anybody could ever ask for in times like this and I know that in the depths and breadths of my heart; I’m actually tearing up just thinking and writing about you all and the gargantuan amount of generosity you have forwarded to my famn damily and I. I have been so blessed to have you all in my life, I can’t even name all of you, there are even perfect strangers sending assistance and/or prayers that go further than anybody could ever imagine; he’s placed you all in my life for a

reason, and some haven’t been used yet, but I know, in my bones, that He has done a lot of work already, and He’s barely broken the surface in my life. However, there are many times when I have to face struggles and trials in my life of all sorts, may it be sleeplessness, pain, aches, confusion, sadness, and even depression where there wasn’t one of my miraculous, phenomenal friends or relatives there by my side to push me through, I’ve always had Him by my side; ‘Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord, your God, is with you wherever you go.’ – Joshua 1:9.
There are two things that are constantly running through my mind on a regular basis; one of these is a song. All of you have had one of those songs that get stuck in your head for a day or so, and you can’t get it out, no matter what, you hum it, whistle it, sing it and sometimes scream it. Well I’ve got one of my own, that has been in my head for about 6+ weeks now; not because it has one of those dumb-but-catchy tunes to it, or really that it’s my favorite, it just sticks because it applies to me right now and it reminds me of who I am. You’re probably screaming at the computer because I just reminded you of that song that you finally got rid of, my bad, not my intention, but funny nonetheless; that or the fact that you don’t know the song yet, well here it is: ‘Give Me Faith’ – Elevation Worship. I find myself, as I am sure many Christians and other religious do, needing a reminder of who we are/were/should be, or simply just and uplifting and hearing this song helps to push me through some of my trials and tribulations that I mentioned above. The part of the song that really hits me and brings tears to my eyes goes a little like this:

Although I feel, at this moment in my life, that I’ve come so far in my relationship with God and becoming the man that He has planned for me to be, I’ve got a long ways to go, and despite life being as tough as it is, with or without sickness, you can’t give up. After reading this long injection of religion, that most of you have never experienced from me, some of you may be thinking either that the meds they have David on are really messing with his mind,

or David is skipping some of his crazy pills; well believe it or not, I’ve never felt clearer, more motivated, and encouraged to become a better person from the inside out(another song,‘From the Inside Out’ – Hillsong United) and become somebody that my son can look up to, figuratively not literally, despite all of the nay-sayers and anti-religious that may come to argue their points against mine.

Okay, so you’ve probably forgotten, from the lack of interest of course, it couldn’t have been my near novel about the song that I had mentioned two points that help me to press on through everything. Albeit I trust and believe in everything that God has done and IS doing, as well as what being a Christian is all about, there are times where I simply feel alone and apart from the little verse I mentioned earlier, it feels like He has just left me to struggle through it on my own. Although there is a verse that helps remind me:

 ‘I can do all things through Christ whom strengthens me.’ – Philippians 4:13 and yet another song, ‘Strong Enough’ – Matthew West, while these are great examples, they aren’t the last one stuck in my head that help pull me up off my proverbial hands and knees. I’ll start by describing the first place I remember ever seeing it why it’s stuck in my head for so long. It all began in a galaxy long, long ago, we really 20something years ago in a different galaxy known as Amargosa Valley; every summer my family would visit my Aunt Mary and two cousins, Kuree and Kayla, that lived out there, for Vacation Bible School (VBS) at their church; at the point in my life, religion wasn’t a part of my family’s life, outside of this yearly event. The poem, well there’s a hint, didn’t actually come from VBS or out of the bible itself, it actually came from a picture fixed on the living room wall at my aunt’s house. I described this place earlier as another galaxy, and it might as well have been, it was nearly in the middle of no-where, some people call it God’s country, but I’m almost positive that it is closely related to hell, maybe even the entrance, it is consistently in triple digit temperatures and very accurately in a valley named Death Valley
. Due to this, playing outside was a tough request, with the 120˚ weather, wind, dust, and occasional(almost daily) rattler visit; although tough, it was a requirement since I’m sure a bunch of kids running around inside got rather annoying(it does these days and I’m not the kid). After baking for a couple of hours, not that kind of baking Mr. Marley, though I am sure a lot of that went on in other households, we would all invade the house, grab an otter-pop or two, and plop down on the sectional in front of the TV; if I remember correctly she had not type of TV service so it normally ended up being a Disney movie of some sort. The picture that I’ve been leading up to, was mounted on the wall at the end of the sectional, and was clearly visible from any seat on the couch. To describe it, it was a simple beach scene, half beach, half tide and had one set of foot prints in the sand walking down the beach and was overlaid with a poem, the very poem that gives me that last bit of oomph to push through when I don’t have somebody else to lend a hand: 

One night I had a dream… 

I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord, and across the sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene I noticed two sets of foot prints in the sand; one belonged to me, and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of my life flashed before us, I looked back at the footprints in the sand; I noticed that many times along the path of my life, there was only one set of footprints.

I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life. This really bothered me, and I questioned the Lord about it, “Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you would walk with me all the way; but I have noticed during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why in times when I needed you the most, you should leave me.

The Lord replied, “My precious, precious child. I love you, and I would never leave you during you times of trial and suffering. When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.

-          Anonymous

This poem above, although not taken directly from the bible, was clearly inspired by His love and Support through the tough times that the author had been through. The reason this poem has stuck in my head, regardless of the fact that I don’t know it word for word, and should, is that we went nearly every summer and thanksgiving throughout my grade-school years and years further; I will never forget how He can carry you through your trials and plights.

He may not be literally and physically carrying you himself, but He works in miraculous ways; He has placed my wife, her entire family, their friends, their church, my family, their friends, and every extension and connection that comes from all of the aforementioned in my life to do something great, and I love them all for each bit of it.

My goodness that was a long prelude to getting along to the bad things that have recently happened; although seemingly out of place, I wanted to put that in between both the good and the bad since He is in the middle of every part of my life. I think getting up to this point probably rivals the original Les Miserables in length(5 Hr and 59Min), or all of the Harry Potter films watched in succession(19Hr 59Min); it all depends on how fast you read and how many times I put you to sleep.

So without further ado, the smash, bam, crunch, and crashes of late. I’ve previously wrote about falling and twitching and nonchalantly calling it similar to “time travel”,
well since that post, it had gotten somewhat more serious with falling on flat ground five times, down the hill in front of our house once, on top of some constructions supplies in the shed once, and here’s the kicker, down the stairs twice; one of the stair events I supermaned it down eight stairs, face first into the wall at the bottom; nearly each fall occurrence included a sprain of some sort including nearly breaking my ankle and neck, more pills. I was in the ER twice, more pills, I had, and still get severe shoulder pains nearly every morning, that I assume come from dialysis, more pills, excruciating leg/arm/jaw/neck/ankle/knee/back/hand/every muscle cramps nightly, more pills, and even occasionally during the day, more pills, consistent migraines, more pills, I’ve had a nose infection for five months and had been given three antibiotics and a crème to get rid of it, no dice, more pills. Had the worst Dr. visit I’ve ever had, more pills, learned that after my transplant I can NEVER have sushi(my favorite) again…ever, more pills, missed my nephews first football game, more pills, learned of the death of a greatly loved racing Friend, Art Gutierrez, more pills, missed the graduation of both my brother Travis and my soon to be Sister-In-Law, Elise, more pills, I can’t play with my son, nieces and nephews the way a 28 year old uncle and father should be able to, I can’t swim in a lake, public pool, water park, rivers, more pills, I’ve missed family camping trips and kart races, more pills, I have a 3^rd grade bedtime(8:30), more pills, exercise that should be an everyday occurrence without any strain just kills me(one time up our stairs make me fall over in exhaustion), more pills. Probably the worst part of all this, is that I am forced to rely on somebody to do nearly anything and everything I do. There was another episode that happened that was pretty hefty, I awoke suddenly one morning covered in sweat and bawling my eyes out,

not because I had one of those unlimited falling dreams or anything, it was a really nice dream, my mom showed up in it; you’ll get the details on that later.

Most of you have probably fallen asleep by now as it seems I am trying to compete, in length not quality of course, with books like War and Peace; although quality doesn’t come close, the amount of naps needed to finish probably come close. For those of you that are still hanging on by a thread and haven’t dozed off or given up like the rest, you’re in luck, this episode is almost over. Don’t go pulling you hair out like it’s the last episode of Breaking Bad, I will be writing more; I actually thought this one out. Due to the fact that I had a lot of information to catch you all up on, and you’ve notice I simply listed each happening; I did this so that in future posts I have something to elaborate on, all whilst attempting to include something completely current as well to avoid one of these monstrous writings necessitating themselves again.

Ciao!!!